im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
