If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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