I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
