I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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