she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
