There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
