I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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