are you so shy because you have an std?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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