Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We are two peas in an std pod
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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