Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
