the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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