i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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