Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
