she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
