i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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