I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
