if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
