i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
