We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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