Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
