I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
