There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
