What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
