he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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