is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
