he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm like, not good at living.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
