Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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