why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
