Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
