Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i've created a new STD.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize