I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
