I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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