I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
