I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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