She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
