I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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