Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
