and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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