Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
