Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
