false alarm. still invincible.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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