Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
