i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
