he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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