Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize