Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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