Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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