I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
