I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
