All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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