I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i dont even know how to be here
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
