hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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