She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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