rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
