the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
