There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
