Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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