Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
