She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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