There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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