he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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