3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
