I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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