Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
