I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
