I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
