I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
