There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
