he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
