NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
