we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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