what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
