so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
