Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
