On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Shame - the story of my life.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
