I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
