Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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