We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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