i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
