did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
