Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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