And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
