I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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