Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Fuck appropriateness.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
