Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
