she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
