First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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